I drank more sake than I should have last night. To be honest, I’ve been on a bit of a binge the past few days, consuming massive quantities of things I shouldn’t. Sugary sweets (two bags of Uncle Eddie’s Vegan Cookies, nearly a pound of dark chocolate covered espresso beans, chocolate covered ginger, vegan marshmellow fluff, etc), alcohol (the aforementioned sake, Johnnie Walker Red, the last of my Maker’s Mark, a Pabst Blue Ribbon), nicotine (a hookah last night at Samah). I feel used up, wasted, damaged today. I’ve got to stop doing this. Tomorrow I must eat well and be productive. I must cease wasting my time with nothing. I will clean, I will write, I will record some vocals. I realize my largest problem (and likely the cause of all my distraction and procrastination) is that I am a sensualist, an aesthete, a hedonist. I am too much in love with experience, with sensation and pleasure, with taste and smell and touch and sound.
That realization comes with the harsh doubt of its correctibility. I this something I can fix so that I may be able to focus easier and accomplish things? It is seeming less likely, but there is a great chance I am incorrect in that.